The English Channel or the Trans-Manche pond? You decide
After traversing its waves since 1987 you would think that P&O Ferries knows the name of that stretch of water between Dover and Calais. It seems that The EU however has other ideas. John Hillman reports.
As I walked across the Millennium Bridge one morning, over the River Thames, I felt a slight tremor underfoot and feared that the ‘wobbly bridge’ had once again fallen foul of its well documented design fault. Could this mean another year of damned closures whilst engineers attempt to make the most scenic river crossing in the world safe again?
Fortunately my concerns were somewhat eased as I glanced across to St Paul’s and saw that, far from the bridge wobbling, it was in fact London itself that shook like a detoxifying scoundrel. Oh just an earthquake then, that’s fine.
As an aside, I once experienced a similar moving sensation whilst on a P&O Ferries’ ferry from Dover to Calais; however after raising the alarm I was informed by the ship’s steward that the moving sensation was a result of us being at sea, which wobbles too, apparently.
Anyway, the quake has of course been hushed up, for its epicentre (I am reliably told) has been traced to the very spot in St Paul’s Cathedral where Vice Admiral Horatio Nelson lies entombed.
This strange turn of events remained an unexplained mystery; however after some careful research I can reveal that sources close to Her Majesty believe it to be recent machinations in Brussels that are to blame.
The realisation of the Trans-Manche Zone, by a rather Orwellian sounding group called the INTERREG Programme, means that not only has the English Channel been officially renamed the Anglo-French Pond, but most shocking of all, it has resulted in the creation of an entirely new region which merges Kent and Cornwall with Normandy and Lille, all presided over by Alain Le Vern, a French socialist president.
A French Socialist President, with dominion over Royal Tunbridge Wells? And there I was wondering why an earthquake would emanate from Lord Nelson’s tomb. Meanwhile my journalistic counterpart in Paris tells me that a strange cackling sound can be heard wafting eerily out of Napoleon’s Gallic grave, and drifting off slowly down the River Seine. Strange times indeed.
Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons
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